Continuing the conversation between Tim and Steve. Catch up on the first 18 installments via Steve’s author page.
“What you up to, Tim?”
“Writing a letter, mate.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“I didn’t think anyone still did that…”
“Well, you were wrong, Steve…”
“Thought it was all email and WhatsApp and Snapchat nowadays…”
“Like you always are…”
“But there’s you, writing a letter…”
“Now if you’d just let me crack on…”
“Who you writing it to, Tim?”
“Er…”
“Go on…”
“I’m writing…”
“Yes…”
“To Cassandra.”
“That’s great news!”
“Now don’t go getting…”
“I always hoped…”
“The wrong end…”
“You guys would get back together…”
“Of the stick…”
“You’re so good for each other!”
“Like you just have…”
“I’m made up about this…”
“Steve…”
“It’ll be just like old times…”
“Steve…”
“Tim and Cassandra…”
“Steve…”
“Cassandra and Tim….”
“We’re not getting back together, Steve.”
“What?”
“We’re not getting back together.”
“But, why ever not?”
“Because splitting up…”
“Was a disaster!”
“Was the best thing I ever did.”
“Really, Tim?”
“Absolutely.”
“Even though you’re living…”
“The dream, Steve…”
“In a car with no doors…”
“With new, bespoke doors…”
“They’re ply, Tim…”
“Bespoke hand-crafted ply, mate…”
“No roof…”
“Enhanced ventilation…”
“Propped up on bricks…”
“Temporarily…”
“Lacking shower access…”
“Enjoying standpipe opportunities…”
“On Cassandra’s drive…”
“Yes, Steve…”
“So, you know…”
“Your point is…?”
“Maybe a little rapprochement…”
“You know what I think…”
“Would be no bad thing…”
“About the French, Steve…”
“And you’re not missing…”
“Cassandra’s enormous hinterland, Steve?”
“That’s the one…”
“Not at all.”
“OK.”
“Not in the slightest.”
“Gotcha.”
“Never crosses my mind.”
“Right.”
“Never.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Absolutely not.”
“So, the letter…”
“Is a purely practical matter, Steve.”
“Which is?”
“In the past, some of her family members…”
“The ones you told…”
“Have helped out… “
“To their face…”
“With work…”
“You were glad to see the back of…”
“Driving, crop picking, care homes…”
“Because they were stealing…”
“And Spaffa thought…”
“Your job…”
“Maybe I should ask them…”
“I mean, you were pissed, but…”
“If they fancied doing it again…”
“Do you really think that’s likely, Tim?”
“Just short-term, obviously…”
“Short-term?”
“They come over here pronto…”
“I see…”
“We send them packing again the day before Xmas…”
“How can they refuse?”
“Exactly, Steve.”
“Tim…”
“Yes?”
“I thought Spaffa was dead set against Cassandra’s folks?”
“Oh no.”
“No?”
“No, he’s very…”
“Changeable?”
“Er…”
“Slippery?”
“I wouldn’t say that…”
“Untrustworthy?”
“A little harsh, Steve. He’s…”
“Go on…”
“Flexible, adaptable, thinks on his feet.”
“Hmmmm…”
“Which is why I’m writing this letter.”
“Why can’t you do the work, Tim?”
“Don’t be stupid.”
“It’s a reasonable question…”
“I’ve been in this queue…”
“Ah…”
“For two days now…”
“Gosh…”
“And me and my jerry cans…”
“All ten of them, Tim…”
“Are nearly at the front…”
“I see…”
“Now, you tell me…”
“Uh-huh…”
“How can I hold down a job…”
“And queue for petrol?”
“And queue for petrol, Steve.”
“It’s a tricky one, Tim…”
“Then when I get back to the car…”
“But why are you…”
“I’ve got my work cut out…”
“Queueing for petrol…”
“Sorting that out.”
“When the car’s on bricks?”
“That’s not the point, Steve.”
“Er, it really is, mate…”
“It isn’t.”
“If you say so, Tim.”
“I do.”
“So what are you doing to the car?”
“Well…”
“Re-installing the airbags?”
“Good god, no.”
“Sorting out the brakes?”
“Brakes just slow you down, Steve.”
“Yes…”
“They’ve no role…”
“I think you’ll find they have…”
“In a lean, efficient, high-speed vehicle…”
“So what are you doing, Tim?”
“When I get back?”
“Yes.”
“Simple, mate.”
“Go on…”
“I’m selling the engine…”
“Oh, Tim…”
“For food.”
