I am a civil funeral celebrant with nearly nine years of experience. I’m passionate about my profession and how we can help and support people through one of the most challenging times of their lives.
Uncovering the real cost of a funeral
A recent ITN documentary, Funeral Costs: The Price of Dying, pegged the average price of a funeral at £10,000 and even a basic affair as high as £4,000. While people may choose horse-drawn hearses, American-style coffins, or limos and flowers galore, this is the exception. The funerals that ITN described as ‘basic’, I’d call ‘normal’. And by normal, I mean dignified, meaningful, personal, professional and memorable for all the right reasons.
I asked several funeral directors in Leeds, “When was the last time you had a £10k funeral?” None of them could remember a funeral costing that much. So, I’m here to bust a few myths and give useful advice on how consumers – families – can become more funeral savvy.
I’ve discounted direct cremations: those in which a coffin is simply cremated, with no music, words of remembrance or ritual of farewell. I’m also not including burials, which are becoming increasingly rare (they’re likely to cost in the region of £1,500–£2,000 for the burial itself). Also, the wake afterwards hasn’t been factored in, as anything from 20 to 200 people may attend, making comparison meaningless.
Celebration of a life aids the grieving process
A funeral is for those left behind. Being allowed to gather with other people to reflect on the life and achievements of the deceased is so important. A good funeral can be cathartic and empowering for all those attending. In Death, Dying and Bereavement (edited by Judith M Stillion and Thomas Attic) the authors state:
“Personalised funerals and celebrations of life can play a significant role in the healing process… [those involved in] creating a meaningful funeral ceremony reported less complicated grief and a greater sense of closure.”
Adding up the costs
Let’s explore how the figures add up. There are unavoidable costs such as doctors’ fees, £82. Scatter tubes to contain the ashes cost around £25. The cremation itself will cost somewhere between around £900 and £1,120. Then we get to the funeral directors’ fee. Let’s assume a wooden veneer coffin, a spray of flowers, a hearse and one limo, 40 orders of service, plus the funeral directors’ standard fees relating to the care of the person who has died. The average charge from those I polled was just over £3,500.
So, in total, the cost of a normal, dignified funeral can easily be under £5,000. But this is still a fair old chunk of money, so what does a funeral director DO to earn it? In short, they ensure that the final farewell of any loved one is exactly what that person or their family would want.
The instrumental role of the funeral director
Funeral directors are always on call. One of their first jobs is to bring the deceased into their care, from wherever they may have died, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Then there will be meetings with the family to build rapport and trust and establish the detailed arrangements for the funeral. A good funeral director will have first-rate interpersonal skills and know how to read a family, knowing when a gentle nudge is needed, or when a bit of space is necessary. A family should feel their funeral director is a safe pair of hands.
Beyond their key role with the family, a funeral director may liaise with a coroner if one is involved. They ensure the person who has died looks presentable to visit, which may involve giving them a shave or even dying their hair. Sometimes they are asked to make hand casts or fingerprints to create mementoes. And, if requested, embalming will take place which is a highly skilled process that should be carried out by a qualified practitioner.
Organising the funeral
Booking the funeral is a time-consuming process for any funeral director. Ringing the crematorium to ascertain what slots are available. Ensuring that they can provide a hearse and limos on that day at that time. Booking a celebrant or minister. Organising the wake. Contacting the florist to arrange floral tributes. Then there’s contacting the multimedia suppliers – Obitus or Wesley in the UK – to arrange webcasts and photo tributes.
On the day, the family has to be collected and taken to the crematorium on time and then to the wake afterwards. Finally, there is the post-funeral aftercare. As a conservative estimate, a funeral director and their team might spend 17 hours on each funeral.
Other responsibilities of the funeral director
Funeral directors have many behind-the-scenes responsibilities, all of which incur costs. They have to maintain their chapels of rest, their specialist mortuary facilities and temperature-controlled units. PPE and clinical waste have to be disposed of correctly.
There are staff to pay – arrangers, drivers and pallbearers. There will probably be a fleet of cars which need to be checked and cleaned before every ceremony and which need to be fed with fuel. Here’s a quick fact for you: the services of the funeral profession are exempt from VAT – saving every one of you 20%. But that means funeral directors can’t be VAT registered and therefore can’t claim that 20% back on necessary things like vehicles, fuel, stationery etc.
No funeral director does the job for the money. They do it out of a deep passion for their work, despite the mental and emotional challenges it entails. Guiding families through their grief can be incredibly difficult, but the knowledge that they are helping to ease a painful process is a reward in itself.
Maintaining standards
You may be surprised to know that this is an unregulated profession. However, in light of the dreadful and unprecedented incidents with Legacy in Hull, that is likely to change. A reputable funeral director should be a member of a professional body such as the National Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors (SAIF) or the National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD), which conduct regular inspections to ensure standards are upheld. Look for these organisations’ logos in the funeral directors’ branch or on their website. Additionally, funeral directors are now legally required to make their fees transparent and easily accessible for families to check and compare.
Breaking the taboo
A big problem in this country is that funerals are a taboo subject for many families, as if talking about death might hasten its arrival. It won’t. From my experience, having these conversations before a loved one’s death greatly eases the process afterwards. Knowing a loved one’s wishes about the type of funeral, music or poetry can make organising it a more positive experience.
As one funeral director told me, “I’ve got friends who spent longer researching garden furniture than they did researching funeral directors”. For such a significant expense – albeit nowhere near the figure of £10k – why wouldn’t you do more research and ask more questions?
Sometimes deaths are sudden, but many are expected. Please don’t hesitate to visit a funeral director’s chapel of rest and ask questions. What can you expect before and after the funeral? How will your family’s needs be met? How much control will you have over the arrangements? Families should feel empowered to make the right decisions during this emotionally challenging time. You don’t have to be passengers in the process but can be guided by an experienced professional.
Know what you’re getting – and what you want
Finally, ask about prices and what services are included. There will be differences between funeral directors. You don’t need to choose the cheapest or the most expensive option, but ensure your funeral director gives good value for money.
That ITN documentary I started with concluded that more people should share their funeral wishes with their loved ones, and I couldn’t agree more. Funerals need not be the gloomy, impersonal events of the past; they can be positive experiences for friends and families. I encourage everyone to empower themselves with knowledge about a profession often avoided until completely necessary.
We in the profession love our jobs and are here wanting to help. Speak to us.
