Continuing the conversation between Tim and Steve. Catch up on the first 11 installments via Steve’s author page.
“I think you’ll find you owe me an apology, Steve.” “I’m sorry?” “Well, that was easy.” “No…” “I expected more by way of weaselling…” “Weaselling?” “Some kind of counter-argument….” “Tim, I think you’ve got…” “Intellectual chicanery…” “The wrong end of the stick, here.” “And sleight of hand…” “I’m not apologising.” “You’re not?” “No.” “But you just…” “That was an interrogative, Tim.” “I’m sorry?” “Exactly.” “So, you’re not apologising?” “What should I be apologising for, Tim?” “You don’t know?” “I don’t know if I don’t know…” “What?” “If you won’t tell me…” “Do you need me to spell it out for you?” “That’d be helpful, yes.” “OK, Steve.” “Thank you.” “Crisis actors.” “Oh, god.” “Every time I mention them…” “Not again…” “You roll your eyes…” “I really hoped…” “Make out I’m some kind of idiot…” “We’d dealt with this.” “Then hey presto! There they are again.” “What are you on about, Tim?” “Don’t pretend you don’t know what I mean.” “I don’t know what you mean, mate.” “That woman.” “What woman?” “The one who got arrested.” “Last week? At the vigil?” “Yes.” “Go on…” “Gave the game away.” “How?” “She told the whole world…” “Told them what?” “That she’d always wanted to be an actor.” “Er…” “Now, wriggle your way out of that." “She’d always wanted to be an actor, Tim.” “Exactly.” “An actor actor.” “Don’t be ridiculous.” “But…” “Actor actors appear in Guns of Navarone.” “Seriously?” “Or The Great Escape.” “Right…” “They star in Dad’s Army.” “OK…” “Or Dambusters.” “Er…” “Or The Cruel Sea.” “Do you watch anything…” “They’re best in black and white…” “Other than war films, Tim?” “And they’re mostly dead.” “She’s actually a scientist, mate.” “You what?” “She’s a scientist.” “How very convenient.” “Convenient??” “When she said ‘actor’…” “She meant actor, Tim.” “She meant crisis actor, Steve.” “She really didn’t.” “It’s plain as the nose on your face…” “It isn’t.” “But if you want to carry on…” “Honestly, it isn’t.” “Being in denial…” “Denial??” “Then there’s precious little I can do…” “Oh, Tim.” “To stop you.” “Wow.” “Facts and evidence, Steve…” “Tim?” “Yes?” “Why are you digging a hole?” “I am not digging a hole…” “You certainly seem to be…” “I am setting out a rock-solid case…” “I mean, you’re up to your knees…” “To which you have no answer whatsoever.” “You’re literally standing in a hole, Tim.” “Oh. That.” “And holding a spade.” “Yes.” “So what are you doing?” “I’m digging a hole, Steve.” “Why?” “Well…” “Is this part of your extensive network…” “Eh?” “Of tunnels?” “No.” “How’s that going, by the way?” “It’s on hold.” “Oh?” “Other priorities have taken precedence, Steve.” “Wheels on the car?” “No…” “A roof?” “Not as yet…” “New doors?” “Unnecessary…” “If you say so, Tim.” “I do.” “So…” “Yes?” “Why are you digging a hole?” “I’d have thought that was obvious…” “Nope.” “Flags, Steve.” “You’ve lost me, mate.” “Flags.” “I’m sorry?” “Is that another one of your internments?" “Interrogatives, Tim.” “Whatever.” “So, if I’ve got this right…” “Unlikely.” “You’re putting flags in holes?” “Don’t be stupid, Steve.” “Sorry.” “What kind of idiot puts a flag in a hole?” “Er…” “This hole will be the footings…” “Uh-huh…” “For a thirty-foot pole…” “Thirty-foot??!!” “From which I shall proudly…” “Tim?” “Very proudly…” “Tim?” “Fly the biggest flag possible.” “Tim?” “Yes?” “Are you sure that’s the best use…” “Of the hole? Absolutely.” “Of your resources in the current climate?” “How do you mean?” “Well…” “What do you have against my flag, Steve?” “I just wonder whether you might be better…” “Yes?” “Getting the car fixed…” “It’s perfectly habitable.” “Building bridges with Cassandra…” “I think not.” “Sorting access to a shower…” “My trusty standpipe is good enough, thank you.” “Why waste your time…” “Waste??” “Digging a hole for a thirty-foot pole?” “So it matches the one…” “Eh?” “On the other side of the car, of course.” “You’re kidding?” “More flags, bigger poles…” “For real?” “It’s what the world needs, Steve.” “It really isn’t.” “Spaffa thinks it’s a great idea.” “I’m sure he does, Tim. I’m sure he does.”
