Continuing the conversation between Tim and Steve. Catch up on the first 13 installments via Steve’s author page.
“Not seen you for a while, Tim.” “Been busy, mate.” “Glad to hear it.” “Ever since the pubs re-opened…” “Yes?” “I’ve been on the lash…” “Anywhere special?” “Well, Nigel’s been on at me to drink at his place…” “The one themed like…” “An inflatable dinghy, Steve.” “Yikes.” “Yep. The man’s obsessed.” “I’ve heard the beer…” “Is shocking, mate. Decor’s worse.” “And you’ve got Nigel banging on…” “About how he used to be somebody…” “Like that ever happened…” “Right. And then Katie keeps bending my ear to visit her gaff…” “The Dog and Whistle?” “That’s the one.” “You haven’t?” “No, mate.” “Phew.” “I’d rather chew my own arm off.” “I hear you.” “Though I’m told she’ll do it for you, if she’s in the mood.” “Nice…” “So mainly I’ve been drinking here…” “In the car?” “Yes, mate.” “On your own?” “Mostly.” “And judging by the pile of cans…” “Impressive, isn’t it?” “Warm Carling is the house tipple of choice.” “Indeed.” “Living the dream, Tim.” “And every now and then…” “Yes?” “Spaffa pops round…” “Really?” “Yeah.” “Lucky you…” “He’s married now, of course…” “Did you go…?” “To the wedding?” “Yes.” “No.” “Oh.” “But a church wedding’s lovely…” “And surprising…” “So I drank a can or two…” “Of Carling?” “Of course.” “In his honour?” “Absolutely.” “And then…” “And then he asks if I can help him out…” “Oh boy.” “On his big day, Steve!” “Go on…” “Seems he’s promised his missus some wallpaper…” “Please tell me…” “Just £840 a roll, Steve!” “You didn’t?” “So I bought two…” “You did…” “Because he’s a mate…” “Uh-huh.” “And he’s doing his best.” “Talking of his best, Tim…” “Yeah?” “How’s the car?” “Envy of the world, mate.” “You sure about that?” “Oh yes.” “Because?” “Spaffa says so.” “Right…” “Him and his mates…” “Oh Tim…” “They pop by and tell me…” “I’ll bet they do…” “They say ‘no-one else has got a car like this, Tim’…” “No kidding…” “And you know what, they’re right.” “It’s still on blocks, though.” “Yeah…” “The doors…” “Are still ply, yes.” “And the boot space seems to be…” “It’s true there have been a few…” “Largely filled with dried earth…” “Small issues with the bespoke allotment…” “And fish bones…” “And it hasn’t quite lived up to expectations…” “What about the tunnels?” “A work in progress.” “I see…” “Without the actual work, if I’m honest.” “Right…” “Or the progress.” “Uh-huh.” “But Spaffa’s had a lot on his plate…” “And he’s doing his best…” “Exactly.” “And what about access to Cassandra’s shower?” “Er…” “Is that still…?” “A work in progress?” “Yeah.” “It is.” “Surprise me…” “But Spaffa has sorted out an alternative…” “He has??” “Oh yes.” “That is good news, Tim.” “I’ve an agreement…” “Go on…” “To use a shower…” “Great…” “In a house at the other end of town…” “Right….” “Just three buses to get there…” “Hmmm…” “And an hour’s walk at the far end…” “Handy…” “And I can use it any Sunday I want…” “OK…” “Between 4pm and 4.30pm…” “Wonderful…” “If it’s free…” “Obviously…” “And I’ve booked a month in advance, of course.” “Almost like nipping into Cassandra’s whenever you want, Tim.” “That’s what Spaffa said.” “So how is it?” “The shower?” “Yes.” “No idea, Steve. I’ve not been yet.” ‘I did wonder…” “Ah.” “Sorry, mate…” “Is that why…?” “The mask? Yes.” “And the… thingumajig…?” “The nosegay isn’t a fashion statement, no.” “Shall I stand a little more downwind?” “If you wouldn’t mind, Tim…” “How’s that, Steve?” “Healthier by the minute, Tim. Healthier by the minute.”
