This was a walk report from February 2019. As was often the case in those heady days we walked again along the Colne Valley. We seem to drift further afield these days which will be featured in future rambles. However, the abuse, banter and weekly therapy continue as ever.
Na-then Boys and Girls,
The walk today was originally planned to start from Town End and include all members except The Chief Engineer. The Major also dropped out, owing to a clash with a pre-op assessment, and some pillock omitted to include T’Forager in the meeting arrangements, for which I hope I apologised adequately.
Pillock(s)
During the initial gathering, some other pillock decided to bring up the subject of politics. “Oh, I don’t want to discuss that”, said The Colonel, so we talked of little else for the next ten minutes, then again later, and possibly again at some point.
The Colonel, The Corporal and myself set off and scaled the Hollin Hall escarpment to Nettleton Hill, and sort of made it up as we went along, sometimes on very familiar routes but often taking an adventurous direction towards our eventual destination, which was Slaithwaite bakery, where we had planned to meet The Chief Engineer and T’Forager.
I had planned the route and therefore thought it natural to decide the direction we took. The Colonel quickly pulled rank, having better ideas than a lowly Regimental Sergeant Major. Unfortunately, the said Sergeant couldn’t grasp that The Colonel only said that she wanted to delegate the walk responsibility and didn’t actually mean she wanted to delegate responsibility. There’s no wonder we get confused. The Corporal, being one of her ex-husbands, had learned from previous experience to keep a diplomatic silence. I, being a pillock, tried to input some suggestions in a helpful and thoughtful manner. Some people are very slow to learn.
We met T’Forager and had a coffee at the bakery, kindly donated by The Colonel while waiting for The Chief Engineer. On his arrival, he ordered one then got a bit agitated when it didn’t arrive for quite some time. I don’t know why he was in such a rush on this particular occasion, as he never rushes at any other time.
‘The dog with the ball’
We eventually set off towards Marsden, taking the detour to the north side, passing an area that The Corporal and I christened ‘The Dog with the Ball’. I’m sure it was intended as a guard dog, but it must have been the friendliest guard dog in the whole of Kirklees. Whenever we passed that way he/she would bring their favourite ball for us to kick along the yard and it would fetch it back with enthusiasm. Clearly the dog is no longer with us, as the kennel is now used to store garden items – sad.
The Engineer and T’Forager were able to compare transport matters and The Corporal quickly abandoned them to join The Colonel and I, while I educated the latter in medical matters again, and the meaning of the word ‘pillock’. We also tried to untangle a phrase associated with sexual matters and bowel movements. I often find myself bringing up medical matters that have recently fascinated me, and The Colonel, being an ex-GP, will often see this as me trying to teach her something. No amount of grovelling will steer her away from giving me a slap on the wrist. I think she likes it.
We had snap at the Moose café in Marsden and talked to our old mate Sandra, the cook. It was good grub. It was here that The Colonel put her doctor hat on and came up with a very clever description of the sexuality of present youth compared to times past. The phrase was much too clever for me, therefore I have forgotten what it was, but it was bloody clever. On the other hand, I was a pillock and will not be expected to know things. I also can’t remember why The Colonel thought I deserved the earlier rebuke – she did apologise. I don’t think she meant it though. I’ll have deserved it for something at some point.
Wildlife and previous wives
We passed fairly normal wildlife: heron, kestrel, blue tits. We also passed a field of sheep, the ewes with several different coloured patches along their backs, which would indicate that they had been ‘visited’ by several different gentlemen rams… the tarts!
We took the canal route back to Slaithwaite, passing the large mill on the right, just outside Marsden, that had been derelict for 30–40 years and at last is now in the process of being demolished. It seems the JCB working on the site had backed into the mill wall and pushed it onto the towpath.
We had further coffee and cake in the bakery, then everyone left in their separate directions, leaving The Corporal and I to walk back to Gowca on our own. On the rare occasions that this happens nowadays, we will refer back to our early walking days and reminisce about the subject matter we enjoyed when there was nobody else to introduce their own matters of interest. I find it increasingly difficult to remember what subject these were now, but I do remember they included Barbarella, Hitler and previous wives. Happy days.
The Corporal and I estimated that us lower Gowca contingent walked approximately 9–10 miles. The walk proved to be adventurous, interesting, educational and great fun in equal measures.
Brilliant company and good weather.
RSM Norkster.
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