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Yorkshire Bylines
Home Opinion

“Everything’s gone too far and must stop completely because I can’t cope with it”, says Tory manchild

Northern MP and Tory man child claims things have gone too far with all these strong women role models, and men are really suffering.

Jimmy Andrex by Jimmy Andrex
26-11-2021 17:58 - Updated on 27-11-2021 11:56
in Opinion, Region
Reading Time: 4 mins read
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Boadicea statue in London, photo by Colin Smith is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic license.

Boadicea statue in London, photo by Colin Smith is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic license.

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That speech in full

“Now look, I don’t know anything about psychology, criminology, gender psychology, neurology, child psychology, mythology, pathophysiology, semiotics, scriptwriting, film production  or science fiction, but I just think everything’s gone too far. 

“Granted, I don’t watch much TV these days, I just read about it on Twitter, but it’s obvious to me that Doctor Who’s a bloke. I mean, it’s in the name, isn’t it? Doctors are blokes usually, aren’t they? Apart from them women doctors they have now. 

“I mean, you can’t even go on Twitter these days without being surrounded by noisy voices saying everything’s got to be a woman. There’s so many I can’t actually think of any, it’s got that bad. It’s simply got to stop before something really terrible happens. The way it’s going, they’ll even be killing off James Bond next, instead of just his wife. 

Cry hard

“The Woke-Mob producers of Doctor Who, whoever they might be, are completely cut off from the realities of life. It’s obvious to me that being a time-travelling, shape-shifting, immortal, regenerating alien would be an unrealistic vocation for a woman. She’d have to take time out at some point to have babies and be off work, under some Political-Correctness-Gone-Mad right to maternity leave. While she was taking it easy at home being a mum, Darth Vader would have exploited the fact that Luke Skywalker’s been replaced by a woman and destroyed the universe, again.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love women in action movies, but this insistence on replacing heroes with female heroines just isn’t natural. I mean, Jodie Whitaker doesn’t even get bound and gagged in a leather catsuit, so how are boys supposed to grow up with the right moral fibre when they are sent such confusing signals?

fountain pen on notebook
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The spy who shoved me over the edge

“It’s all gone too far. None of it makes any sense. These virtue-signalling enemies of British Values probably don’t even wear a poppy and yet they think it’s OK to mess with the heads of young boys by giving them female role models. It doesn’t make sense any more. All these voices.

“Once upon a time action role models were clear and morally unambiguous: A dedicated civil servant sanctioned at the highest level to go to distant countries and kill people the government didn’t like, having casual, unprotected sex in order to fulfil his mission. It was clear and it was moral.

“Now, everything’s got to be a woman. It’s all got to stop. The way it’s going they’ll be having M as a woman next.

Doncaster has fallen

“I’m here to stand up and speak out against all the noisy voices saying we’ve always got to change things and try and make them better. These voices will not be satisfied until they’ve got rid of all the things that make people like me feel good about ourselves: Our sense of intellectual and moral superiority over other nations, for instance, or how everything done in the name of the British Empire was about bringing progress, peace and complicated railway systems and not just making us rich at their expense at the point of a gun.

“Their pathetic attempts to blame an increase in crime in the last ten years on austerity, inequality and cutting 20,000 police officers is typical of their Right-On, muddled thinking, when really it’s all the fault of the makers of TV programmes. The noisy voices I’m hearing all the time are making it impossible for men like me to feel good about themselves and it’s no wonder that so many men commit violent crimes against women. I mean, it never happened in the good old days, did it?”

Richard Wadd, 30, has been Tory MP for Redwall North since 2019.

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Jimmy Andrex

Jimmy Andrex

Jimmy is a Wakefield poet who performs all over the UK. Co-founder of Red Shed Readings, he is a presenter on ELFM’s Love the Words, where he writes and produces the Jimmy Andrex Outside Broadcast, as well as co-curating their Writing on Air Festival. Cartoon by Hamley Jenkins. Follow him on Bluesky

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