In a move that will shock literally no-one who has been paying any attention, Donald Trump has yet again come up with an absurd, facile solution to an intractable geopolitical problem. Yes, in a stunning development for the prospects of ongoing world peace, Trump has decided that the fate of Gaza could be solved by forcibly removing all its Palestinian residents into “various domains” and replacing them with luxury hotels.
“Well take over the Gaza strip and we’ll do a job with it too. We’ll own it”, Trump said. “We’re going to take over that piece, develop it and create thousands and thousands of jobs, and it will be something the entire Middle East can be proud of.” Hmm. I suspect there may be one or two people in the Middle East not quite so keen on the idea.
Riviera of the Middle East
It will be the “Riviera of the Middle East”, he added. Now, I’m not sure which Riviera he was referring to, but I’m guessing Gaza will end up looking a bit like Torquay.
“I envision the world people living there, the world’s people”, he said. Yes, definitely Torquay.
“You’ll make that into an international, unbelievable place. I think the potential in the Gaza strip is unbelievable.” Well, unbelievable is certainly one word for it.
“Everybody I’ve spoken to loves the idea”, said Trump, glossing over the fact that the rest of the entire world has condemned it, apart from Benjamin Netanyahu. Yes, in an unexpected plot twist, Netanyahu seems to have found himself aligned with the people making fascist salutes and promoting the forcible displacement of an entire people into designated camps. Ironic.
Meanwhile, the Arab Americans for Trump group reacted to the news by changing their name to the Arab Americans for Peace, having previously failed to realise that just because they were Arabs for Trump, Trump wasn’t necessarily for Arabs. In related news, the American Turkeys for Christmas group were somewhat surprised that they were, in fact, on the menu for Christmas. “This is shocking”, said a member of the turkey community. “Who could possibly have foreseen that the Turkey-Eating Party would blindside us by actually wanting to eat turkeys? We are urgently considering a motion to rename ourselves instead as the American Turkeys for Thanksgiving. Wait. What?”
Trump deserves the Nobel Peace Prize
Trump suggested that Jordan and Egypt would take all the Palestinian internees people, despite those countries literally saying they wouldn’t. “I hope we would do something where they wouldn’t want to go back. Who would want to go back?” Trump added. Wait a minute – I thought it was going to be the Riviera! Who wouldn’t want to live in Torquay? Trump went on to add that Palestinians shouldn’t return to Gaza because it is “a guarantee they’re going to end up dying”. He’s really not selling this idea of the Riviera at all.
“This was not a decision made lightly”, said Trump, despite all evidence to the contrary. “I’ve studied it”, he fibbed. “I’ve studied this very closely over a lot of months and I’ve seen it from every different angle.” Except from the point of view of the Palestinians, obviously.
Asked whether he should get the Nobel Peace Prize, Trump modestly responded, “I deserve it, but they will never give it to me”. Really? I can’t think why not. Threatening to invade Panama and Greenland, trying to annex Canada, aiming to displace two million people from Gaza – what could be more peaceable than that?
And yet… you never know. Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, Putin: they’ve all been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize at one time or another, even if they didn’t win. Maybe it’s possible that Trump might yet find himself in that illustrious company.
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