This is the fourth in a series of conversations between Tim and Steve. Catch up on the first three via Steve’s author page.
“Morning, Tim.” “Steve.” “How you doing?” “Well, you know….” “You look a bit…” “Tired?” “Yes, Tim. Tired.” “I am, mate.” “Sleeping in the car not going so well?” “It’s not that, Steve.” “Oh.” “I mean, yeah, it’s not the best…” “I can imagine.” “Can’t really stretch out…” “Hmmm.” “Or roll over without falling into the footwell…” “I see.” “But I’m getting used to it.” “Well, that’s a blessing, Tim.” “No, I was up half the night…” “Same here.” “Really?” “Yeah. Up for a pee every couple of hours…” “What?” “It’s our age, mate. These things happen.” “But…” “All to do with the prostate, apparently.” “No, Steve.” “Really, Tim. It is.” “No, that’s not what kept me up.” “Well you’re a lucky man, then.” “Steve…” “But it’s in the post, I tell you.” “Steve…” “Best get ready for it…” “Steve…” “Try to avoid beer before bedtime, that’s my tip…” “STEVE!” “What?” “Have you watched the news, mate?” “Which bit, Tim?” “America, Steve.” “Ah, America.” “I couldn’t put my phone down.” “Hence the lack of sleep. Right.…” “I never thought to see such things.” “Incredible, isn’t it?” “Yes.” “It’s been coming for a while, to be fair.” “Couldn’t agree more, Steve.” “Ever since the election result…” “Yep.” “Before it, even.” “You know it.” “I mean, these past four years…” “The deep state in action, Steve.” “What???” “The deep state.” “Meaning what, exactly?” “Meaning a sophisticated conspiracy to subdue the American people, Steve.” “You’ve got to be kidding me, Tim.” “It’s all over Facebook, mate.” “Hmmm…” “And you only have to look at what’s just happened….” “Right-wing nut jobs running riot in the Capitol?” “No, Steve.” “No?” “That was Antifa.” “Antifa???” “Yes, mate.” “How d’you work that one out, Tim?” “Well.…” “They were at a Trump rally…” “Yeah.” “Wearing MAGA hats…” “I know.” “Waving Trump flags…” “Uh-huh.” “With one prick dressed as a buffalo god…” “Yep.” “And you’re saying this was Antifa?” “I am, Steve.” “How?” “Because it’s all too cute, mate.” “Nothing cute about that bloke in the buffalo kit, Tim.” “But do you not see how convenient it is, Steve?” “The buffalo get up?” “No…” “Looks pretty impractical to me, if I’m honest.” “But…” “And a bit parky.” “Listen, Steve.” “Sorry, Tim. I’m all ears.” “The whole thing is a leftist conspiracy to discredit the president.” “You think?” “I do.” “There’s a lot to unpack in that statement, Tim.” “It’s pretty simple, Steve.” “I’m not sure that’s entirely accurate…” “I mean, watch the footage.” “I did.” “It’s like a bad movie.” “Uh-huh.” “Entirely unconvincing.” “Right…” “Which means they’re crisis actors.” “Not this again, Tim.” “And who can afford to employ thousands of crisis actors…” “Er…. no-one?” “But Kamala Harris and the deep state.” “They a blues band?” “What?” “Or electro swing?” “You’re not taking this seriously, Steve.” “You’re right, Tim.” “Thank you. At last.” “They’ll be disco-funk. With a mean groove.” “Very funny.” “You’re welcome.” “You always take the piss…” “Well, it passes the time, Tim.” “Close your eyes to what’s really happening…” “That’s me.” “Ignore the truth when it’s right in front of you…” “The truth?” “Yes, Steve.” “This deep state conspiracy nonsense?” “It’s not nonsense.” “If you say so.” “And it’s not a conspiracy either.” “OK.” “I mean, they set up this ‘riot’…” “Oh boy.” “With all these actors…” “Actors…” “And then just a few hours later their MPs elect Biden.” “Tim…” “They make him president.” “Tim…” “I mean, HOW CONVENIENT IS THAT???” “They’re not MPs, Tim.” “Whatever.” “Senators, I think. And Representatives.” “And suddenly you’re an expert.” “Just saying, Tim.” “You should try doing some research for once, Steve.” “I’ll bear that in mind.” “Do.” “But right now…” “Yeah?” “I need a wee.” “Catch you later, mate.” “See you in a bit, Tim.” “OK.” “And Tim…” “Huh?” “Try and get some sleep.” “Right.” “Maybe take the buffalo horns off first, eh?” “Thanks, Steve.” “Bye, Tim.” “Bye.”
