Our client, a department of the civil service who for reasons of privacy and security we cannot disclose, has an opening for an interim caretaker. There is one in-house applicant but in line with civil service policies all jobs that are not considered political must be advertised externally with interviews and a due selection process carried out before any final appointment is made.
We are also keen on behalf of our client to uphold standards of propriety and create an equality of opportunity with no applicant afforded an advantage by virtue of prior connections or relationships with people who might exercise undue influence on the appointment.
This opportunity has a fixed and final duration for the successful applicant after which an entirely new appointment procedure will be put in place to recruit for a new, long-term role replacing the short role now advertised.
A brief job description describing the short-term role as envisaged is as follows:
Background
It is envisaged that the next few months might see many spontaneous celebrations that might look like parties taking place in the property for which this caretaking role is needed. They will not of course be parties of any kind. However, the high spirits and outpourings of relief they engender is expected to produce the kind of caretaking challenges similar to those most people would recognise as party related consequences.
There are also a number of important renovations to be carried out in the subject property which will call for practical and diplomatic skills. The sensitive project work is to be carried out under the supervision of the caretaker.
Personal and leadership qualities required
Applicants must have high standards of personal integrity and leadership. The successful applicant must be able to demonstrate they have in the past intervened robustly when any inappropriate, abusive, or exploitative behaviour is exhibited by people working in or visiting the building.
A premium will be placed on foresight and judgement. It will not be acceptable, for example, for the job holder to absolve themselves of their responsibilities using the concept of hindsight to reduce blame or shirk responsibility for past failures. ‘Getting big decisions right’, if any, will not be an acceptable excuse for myriad failures to fulfil the role day-to-day.
Principal duties
1. Boisterous celebratory event oversight
Much of the role will be dedicated to ensuring the celebratory events do not become parties. Although it will be very tempting for the caretaker to join in with the events given the celebratory reason for the events taking place.
2. Restricting alcohol and drug consumption on the premises
The caretaker will be expected to intercept alcohol being brought into the building no matter how cleverly concealed in plastic bags carrying Co-op branding or the logos of other supermarkets.
3. Detect and interrupt any intimate liaisons taking place on site
The site has developed a reputation for inappropriate sexual relationships behaviour. The caretaker’s job will include detection and interruption of such liaisons so that standards in public office can be upheld.
4. Tidying up after events
If during an any event participants are subject to inexplicable mass nausea it is the caretaker’s job, uncomplainingly, to clean up the mess. This would include remove of vomit from the walls and furnishings.
5. Wallpaper removal
A highly sensitive task to be undertaken during the term of the caretaker’s role is the removal of some expensive wallpaper that was recently installed with the financial support of a benefactor. The benefactor has recently insisted on the return of the wallpaper so skilled removal to return it in its original condition is essential. Skills at papering over cracks are paramount.
6. Undoing a design makeover (Desirable though not essential)
Accommodation in a flat adjacent the main building is for the present incumbent’s use and has recently been subject to a designer makeover. It would be advantageous for the applicant to have experience of undoing designer makeovers so all evidence of the building’s previous occupants is removed and they can put the resale of all removable contents and fittings towards their future cost-of-living budget.
Applications to be sent marked Private and Confidential to:
Cleansing History Ltd
Caretaker Recruitment
PO Box 721
Shoreditch
London E1 9PT
