Dementia is a cruel disease, robbing people of clarity and families of peace of mind. Lasting powers of attorney are designed to safeguard the vulnerable, giving trusted relatives the authority to act in their best interests. But when that trust is broken, the consequences can be devastating. This is the story of what happened to John, our much-loved brother and husband. It is a stark reminder that the systems meant to protect can also be manipulated – and that vigilance is vital when love and trust are at stake.
Signs of dementia
The signs are not always immediately recognisable as a cause for concern. Maybe we have an inbuilt resistance to things that we do not want to acknowledge. Of course, as we age, we know our abilities are likely to decline, tolerances almost disappear, concentration wavers occasionally, memory plays tricks on us, and we are quick to make excuses for all of the above.
This applies in equal measure to the behaviour of ourselves and others. So, Des and I were puzzled by John’s occasional outbursts and disturbing accusations but put them down to the frustrations of old age. He always apologised – although I don’t think he could rationalise them either.
It was when this out-of-character behaviour became more frequent and more serious in its aggression that we began to think help was needed. John was by now totally unpredictable – his agitation was verging on paranoia and seemed to come from nowhere, with no obvious trigger setting it off. In retrospect, perhaps it was some sort of defence mechanism to counter what was going on in his head. It must have been very frightening.
Abuse of powers of attorney
Recently much media attention – radio, television, and press – has focused on the need for us to prepare for the future by appointing those we trust to hold lasting powers of attorney, enabling them to act in our best interests should we become unable to do so for ourselves. In the majority of cases these appointments are effective, providing a legal way of dealing with the affairs of vulnerable people. However, various investigations have revealed that, in the wrong hands, deceit, coercion, and fraud can result. When dementia is added to the mix, there is the potential for even more disastrous outcomes.
Dementia in all its forms is, rightly, a high-profile subject, affecting many families. It needs even more publicity when the mental decline of those diagnosed with this distressing disease is wilfully and cruelly used to take advantage of them. Struggling to cope with a loved one who has succumbed to dementia is difficult, scary, and extremely emotional. We all like to think we can trust our families and it can be devastating to discover just how easily we can be manipulated and outwitted when our minds are distracted by worry.
John’s story
John’s story provides one example of this abuse and how a series of events enabled our granddaughter Amy to gain control of his life, ensuring that his family had no further part in his care, or even knowledge of where he was for three months.
During Covid, John collapsed at home and was admitted to hospital. This, together with his advancing dementia and increasingly deluded views about me and Des, allowed Amy to establish contact with him on his own, and convince him that she was the only person he could trust. We were unaware of her intentions at that time, so agreed to John’s somewhat surprising wish to live with Amy in Devon.
This required social services to visit to carry out assessments of John’s needs and, in the interim, he was living in a care home. It is interesting how those holding positions of authority played into Amy’s hands by their lack of diligence, notably social services (whilst John was in hospital) and the Devon solicitor acting on his behalf who had been instructed by Amy. Both were aware of John’s diagnosis of cerebral atrophy, vascular dementia, and osteoporosis and that these resulted in confusion, paranoia, and lack of mobility. Yet, both failed to verify what he was saying with reliable members of our family.
They assessed John as having “mental capacity to make decisions and manage his financial affairs” and trusted much of what he was saying, while simultaneously using his dementia diagnosis as an excuse for not raising questions when he made outrageous statements (such as that Des and I were stealing from him, and that I was trying to kill him). Records of their actions, obtained after John’s death, confirmed our doubts as to the expertise they claimed to have at the time.
Loss and betrayal
Following John’s move to Devon, the solicitor administered the appointment of both Amy and herself as his co-attorneys. Then they changed John’s will to be solely in Amy’s favour. Unbeknown to us, Amy then moved him from the care home to a hotel in Torquay owned by an old accountant friend of John’s. She left him there, isolated in a room with no services – just a microwave and ready meals supplied by Amy. It would appear that she never actually intended him to live with her.
It later became clear that Amy and the accountant friend had vested interests in John’s assets but no apparent interest in John himself, or his care and safety. Some years previously we had loaned a significant amount of money to the friend. In return for providing John with a room at his hotel, the friend then attempted to charge him £50,000, together with a further £5,000 for questionable financial advice (which turned out to be heavily weighted to benefit himself). Meanwhile, Amy attempted to transfer the remainder of the loan to herself via a gift declaration, and ‘billed’ John for various items she’d bought and expenses she claimed to have incurred.
Having achieved her aims, Amy had no hesitation in letting us know she was in full control of John and his affairs, informing us that writing to him (via his solicitor) was not welcome. She then cancelled all communication with us and refused to tell us where he was. It took some time before we found him but, when we did, we were delighted that he wanted to come back home.
Emotions were all over the place at this time, especially as we became aware of the conditions John had been living in. After he returned home to us, he sadly only survived a further nine months, needing considerable care for much of that time. It takes little imagination to picture what his death would have been like, alone in a filthy hotel room, and it would likely have happened much sooner had he remained in Devon.
Was justice done?
Immediately after John returned home, Amy cleared his bank account. A three-year police investigation eventually resulted in her accepting a caution for fraud, although she later stated that she did not consider this ‘just’. Unsurprisingly, she has shown no remorse. John’s excessive solicitor’s fees of £35,000 were reduced by a third following the results of an investigation we instigated with the Legal Ombudsman.
While the Office of the Public Guardian states that attorneys must keep financial records of transactions carried out by them and produce accounts of income and expenditure, there appears to be no penalty for failing to do so. Nor is there any requirement for a prospective attorney to be of good character. There is no check on DBS records, nor can a discredited attorney be prevented from acting for another person in future.
John’s experience is just one example of a system set up to protect the vulnerable and failing miserably. Fabian Hamilton MP has a private members’ bill before parliament, with the purpose of tightening the laws surrounding powers of attorney.
The power of love
The above is merely a summary and really needs to be taken in conjunction with the BBC podcast/Radio 4 programme The Willpower Detectives, Episode 8 which gives amore compelling picture of John’s story, as it illustrates the events in ways that written words alone cannot. John’s story achieved its impact due to recorded interviews that presenter Sue Mitchell conducted with our family, and to those who had the foresight to record their conversations with John.
Listening to these recordings and hearing the emotion in our voices demonstrates the determination needed to achieve the outcome that turned out to be so rewarding when John finally returned to us. The events of the last few years have taken John’s family and friends on a highly emotional journey through sadness and joy, setbacks and successes, tears and laughter but love has been the most powerful – love for John and love for each other.
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