What is it about male violence against women and girls that men just don’t get? As a kid, I was brought up to know that hitting a girl was wrong. I can’t recall who told me, it was just imprinted as a moral code from a very early age. As a father of two grown-up daughters whose strong feminist views mirror those of their mother, I’m acutely aware of how important that code is.
Yet as I get older, the more despairing I get of my own sex.
A grim conveyor-belt of terrible stories of male violence against women and girls continues to rumble on, showing no signs of slowing down. This culminated recently in the horrific case of Frenchwoman Gisele Pelicot, raped and sexually abused while drugged and unconscious, by her husband and 50 men over a decade.
Perhaps the most disturbing aspect about the case out of all the many revolting things, is that most of the assaults against her were deliberately arranged through a website.
How long this site on the dark web has operated remains unknown. As such there could be dozens, hundreds or even thousands of other Gisele Pelicots that we don’t even know about.
White Ribbon
Against the background of the trial, it’s perhaps appropriate that the annual UK White Ribbon Day is being marked this week by the charity of the same name which actively engages with young boys and men to end violence against women and girls.
Locally, I’m privileged to know several members of Say Her Name (Hull), a campaign group originally launched by women from all walks of life as a response to the murder of Sarah Everard in 2021. As such, it shares the same aims as the White Ribbon charity.
For the last three years the group has held regular public vigils, with the names of women lost to male violence since the last event being read out. Group members have also engaged with council officials, the police and local media to continue highlighting the issue. This week they will continue their peaceful protests and interventions as part of activities to highlight violence against women and girls for White Ribbon week.
Humber Street Gallery exhibition: I’m sorry
This week also sees the launch of a new exhibition by Grimsby-based artist Annabel McCourt at Hull’s Humber Street Gallery. It features new portraits of members of the group holding a bespoke neon sign saying “I’m Sorry” which is also the title of the exhibition.
McCourt says she wanted to mark White Ribbon Day without fuelling what she describes as an “odious victim-shaming culture”.
“It’s a culture synonymous with social media, lazy ‘woke slurs’ and just the general hatred directed at women who have been through more pain than is possible to imagine. It isn’t a personal apology, it’s an institutional reckoning and a global movement.
“I see ‘I’m Sorry’ as an anonymous safe space to unburden yourself but these sorrys are different. They look at the bigger picture. ‘I’m Sorry’ the world thinks I need to apologise. ‘I’m Sorry’ you don’t care. ‘I’m Sorry’ you’re so inadequate at dealing with this. Basically, ‘I’m Sorry’ I still have to protest this shit but I’m not sorry that I do.”
Artist Annabel McCourt
The new exhibition develops some of the themes explored in her previous works.
Electric Fence, commissioned as part of Hull’s year as the UK City of Culture in 2017, saw her build a giant electrified enclosure in response to an American pastor’s hate-fuelled rant about wanting to imprison and electrocute LGBTQI+ communities.
Her 2019 work MAGA Grabber brought the worst of Donald Trump’s “locker room talk” to life in the form of an interactive arcade-style grabbing machine.
Both explored ideas of complicity by encouraging visitors to participate in the spectacle, to defy their strongest impulses and touch the works.
Reclaiming control
Vicky Foster, co-organiser of Say Her Name (Hull), says the new exhibition is not about making flippant apologies, taking the blame or over-apologising for fear of what others think.
“Instead, it’s about unburdening ourselves, reclaiming control and discovering self-esteem without fear of conflict. It is a powerful tool for forgiveness and healing. It is introspection for the collective good to create a more compassionate world.”
She believes the exhibition’s underlying message is a powerful one.
“We’re sorry that people still look the other way. We’re sorry that they’re still not listening.
“We’re sorry if you’d prefer us to just shut up about violence against women and girls, because we can’t and we won’t, and we will never apologise for that.”
I’m Sorry is at the Humber Street Gallery in Hull until 26 January 2025. It is a Barnsley Civic touring exhibition.
