“Whativver does tha thinks tha’s bahn ter do, Jimmy? Gi’e mi that toffee ‘ammer!” Gran’ma wor in a reight stew.
“It’s not fair. Albert’s brokken mi engine. ‘E did it o’ purpose. Ah saw ‘im! So nah Ah’m bahn ter brek ‘is, an’ if ee gets i’ t’ rooad Ah’ll nawp[2] ‘im an’ all.”
“Ee, tha’rt a bad ‘un! T’ Bogey man ‘ll come fer thee if tha dunt mend thi ways, tha young taistrel! Grandad! Do summat wi’ this lad! Get that toffee ‘ammer off ‘im afooare ‘e does ony ‘arm!”
Slowly, stifly, grandad rose from wheeare ‘e wor cronked[3] bi t’ ‘ob end[4] an’ i’ calm, measured tones, half smilin’, said: “Thee come wi’ me, Jimmy lad. Ah’ve summat ter tell thee.”
Grandad shuffled aght o’ t’ kitchen dooar an’ med ‘is way dahn t’ gardin path. Nah, Jimmy ‘ad a lot o’ respect fer ‘is grandad. No matter what bother ‘e’d ivver gotten inter, ‘is grandad wor nivver cross, nivver ranted an’ raved at ‘im, threatenin dire consequences if ‘e di’n’t mend ‘is ways. E’d a quiet, calm manner abaht ‘im, an’ ‘ad telled ‘im tales as long as ivver ‘e could remember. Slippin’ t’ toffee ‘ammer dahn ‘is belt, Jimmy follered.
Grandad settled hissen on ‘is bench under t’ owd hawthorn tree.
“Sit thissen dahn theeare”, ‘e said, pointin’ ter t’ tree stump opposite.
Soa, as ‘e ‘ad done many-a-time afooare, Jimmy sat ‘issen dahn ter listen to ‘is grandad.
“Nah then! Ah’m bahn ter tell thee a tale thru’[5] t’ olden days”, ‘e began. Ther’ wor a pause then while grandad stuffed ‘is pipe wi’ a wedge o’ bacca, struck a match an’ after a tooathree gooid, strong pulls went on wi’ ‘is tale.
“Ther’ wor this ‘ere ‘ermit…….”
“What’s one o’ them, grandad?”
“Well, it’s a chap ‘at lives on ‘is awn. ‘E ‘as nowt ter do wi’ nub’dy.”
“Did ‘e wark[6] dahn t’ mill?”
“Nay, the’ di’n’t ‘ave mills i’ them days i’ that country. Onyrooad, ‘e di’n’t wark. ‘E spent ‘is time thinkin’ deep thowts.”
“Well ‘ow did ‘e addle[7] ony brass?”
“‘E di’n’t. ‘E sat o’ t’ side o’ t’ rooad an’ fowk ‘ould gi’e ‘im a few coppers or a few scraps o’ grub.”
“Ah berr ‘e di’n’t gerr ony Yorksher puddin’ an’ gravy!”
“Noa, Ah dooan’t suppooase ‘e did. Well, ony rooad, ‘e wor wanderin’ one day in a place wheeare nub’dy else ivver went an’ ‘e fun t’ hidden entrance to a cave. It wor a varry ‘ot day an’ ‘e decided ter go inter this ‘ere cave fer a bit of a rest. But inside, ‘e fun three chests, each as big as a Blackpool trunk. Fust ‘un wor full o’ gold, second full o’ silver an’ third ‘un wor full o’ precious stooans, emeralds an’ rubies an’ such-like. As sooin as ‘e saw this, t’ hermit pointed ‘is ‘eels ter t’ cave entrance an’ fled as fast as ‘e could.”
“What did ‘e do that for, Grandad. ‘E could a’ bowt ‘issen a lot o’ Yorksher puddin’ an’ gravy wi’ that lot.”
“Just odd thi ‘osses, lad, an’ let mi tell thi t’ tale. Nah, i’ this ‘ere desert, ther’ wer’ three robbers, ‘at spent a lot o’ time i’ these parts, waitin’ fer travellers, so the’ could rob ‘em. Well, the’ wer’ fair capped[8] ter see this chap runnin’ across t’ desert wi’ nub’dy after ‘im. Soa the’ came aght o’ the’r ‘idin’ place, stopped ‘im ‘an axed ‘im what wor up.”
“It’s owd scrat hissen ‘at’s after me!” cried t’ ‘ermit. “Ther’s deeath waitin’ i’ that theeare cave!”
“Owd scrat? What’s that?” interrupted t’ lad.
“Why, it’s another name fer t’ divel, dun’t tha knaw”, said grandad an’ went on wi’ his tale.
Nah, t’ ermit wor flayed[9] ter deeath o’ these robbers, fer ‘e knew the’d slit his gizzard sooiner nor look at ‘im, if ‘e di’n’t do what the’ wanted, so ‘e telled ‘em what ‘e’d seen an’, o’ course, the’ insisted ‘e tek ‘em ter t’ cave. As sooin as the’ saw t’ treasure, tha can imagine, the’ wer’ as ‘appy as pigs i’ muck.
T’ ermit ran off shaatin’: “Deeath! It means deeath!”
The’ let ‘im goa, knawin’ if ‘e said owt abaht t’ treasure, fowk ‘ould tek no nooatice, ‘cos the’ knew ‘im an’ thowt ‘e wor crackers.
Nah, t’ thieves began ter discuss what the’ wer’ bahn ter do wi’ t’ treasure. They di’n’t want ter leave it alooan, chewse-‘ow. So, at t’ end up, the’ decided ‘at one on ‘em should go inter t’ tahn wi’ some o’ t’ gold, so ‘e could buy a bit o’ grub an’ a few other bits o’ stuff the’ needed, an’ then the’d share t’ treasure between ‘em. One o’ t’ robbers volunteered ter bi t’ one ter go, but ‘e thowt to ‘issen:
“When Ah’m in t’ tahn, Ah can eyt all Ah want an’ then poison rest o’ t’ grub. That rooad, Ah’ll kill t’ tother two an’ all t’ treasure ‘ll bi mine.” But little did ‘e knaw! T’other two wer’ doin’ a bit o’ plottin’ o’ the’r awn: the’ decided that when t’ other got back, the’d do ‘im in, so the’ could divide t’ treasure just between thersens.”
“As sooin as t’ robber wor back thru t’ tahn, tothers attacked ‘im an’ stabbed ‘im ter deeath wi’ the’r daggers. Then, as the’ wer’ starvin’, ‘cos the’ ‘adn’t ‘ad a reight meal fer days, the’ ett all t’ food ’at t’ other ‘ad browt. It worn’t long afooare the’ fell dahn wi’ belly wark an’ deed a terrible, painful deeath.”
“Soa, that theeare ‘ermit wor reight, Jimmy, when ‘e said that treasure meant deeath, fer it did, fer all them ‘at wer’ influenced bi it. An’ that treasure stayed I’ that cave fer a varry long time.”
“So tha sees, Jimmy”, an’ at this point grandad leant forrard, fixin’ ‘is gran’son wi’ a steady look, an’, measurin’ ‘is words, said:
“That’s ‘ow evil breeds evil.”
Jimmy gazed back inter ‘is grandad’s deep brahn een, an’, lookin’ a bit sheepish, pulled t’ toffee ‘ammer aght thru behind ‘is belt an’ said:
“Ere yo’are, grandad, Ah weeant bi needin’ this.”
[1] young rascal, scamp
[2] hit on the head
[3] sat, huddled, especially by the fireside
[4] the flat-topped side of a fireplace, on which kettles, etc. can be placed
[5] from
[6] work (or ache)
[7] earn
[8] surprised
[9] frightened
