ADVERTISEMENT
“How’s it going with the team, Tom?” “Oh, exciting times! Exciting times!” “Yeah?” “Lots of changes!” “Really?” “We sacked the old manager…” “I heard.” “Which was overdue…” “I liked the way he got you playing, mate.” “You did?” “That interplay down the left wing…” “Very predictable…” “They had no answer to it…” “Hmmm…” “Back of the net every time!” “Not really…” “And crowds were up, weren’t they?” “It’s not about crowds.” “It isn’t?” “No.” “I thought…” “Crowds are all well and good…” “Uh-huh.” “But we won nothing.” “Yeah…” “And it’s all about winning.” “If you say so…” “Besides, he’d lost the dressing room.” “Ah.” “Well, never had the dressing room, truth be told.” “I see.” “But that’s another story…” “So, new manager?” “New manager. Forenzič.” “Any good?” “We’ve high hopes.” “Yeah?” “New broom, and all that.” “So…” “And the Special One speaks highly of him.” “He does?” “Oh yes.” “You didn’t fancy…?” “What?” “Getting him back at the helm?” “The Special One?” “After all, he knew how to win.” “Between you and me, we’d like to…” “But?” “He’s a tad divisive.” “A tad?” “Left under a bit of a cloud, if I’m honest.” “You mean the…” “Yes. That.” “I’ve never looked at 45 minutes the same since.” “We don’t like to talk about it.” “Gotcha.” “Ever.” “Mum’s the word, Tom.” “Appreciate it.” “So what’s this Forenzič bloke like?” “Well, it’s a step up for him…” “I see.” “But he’s brought in experience.” “What kind of experience?” “Meddlesome.” “I only asked!” “No, Meddlesome.” “Meddlesome?” “The kit man.” “What kit man?” “From back in the day.” “You mean…?” “Yes.” “He worked with…?" “The Special One.” “Before that thing?” “Yes.” “The one we don’t want to mention?” “Exactly.” “This Meddlesome, then…” “Yes?” “No actual managerial experience?” “None whatsoever.” “Right…” “But he was there…” “Uh-huh.” “When we won…” “Thirty years ago…” “Yes.” “Hmmm…” “He was touched by greatness.” “You think?” “Absolutely.” “Are you sure about this?” “And he’s got great ideas on tactics.” “Such as?” “No more haring down the left, for starters.” “No?” “None of that swinging a cross…” “Really?” “Into the box…” “Why not?” “And heading it home.” “Er… isn’t that the point, Tom?” “No.” “But…” “Occupying the centre ground, mate, that’s what it’s about.” “A strong midfield, you mean?” “No.” “So…?” “The middle of the pitch.” “The middle…?” “The middle of the pitch.” “You’ve lost me.” “It’s self-explanatory.” “It is?” “Yes.” “Humour me, Tom…” “With?” “A supplementary explanation…” “Well, we keep a solid presence in the middle of the pitch…” “Right…” “That’s it.” “There must be more to it…” “Not really.” “So, you let them have the ball…” “Correct.” “Wait for them to make a mistake…” “Er…” “Then pour forward and catch them on the break?” “Good god, no!” “No?” “Nothing so crude.” “Then, what?” “We occupy the centre ground…” “You said…” “And point out how badly the other side are playing…” “Yeah…” “Job done.” “That’s it???” “Yes.” “You offer a… commentary…??” “We do.” “On their performance?” “Correct.” “Blimey.” “It’s ground-breaking stuff, I grant you.” “How’s it working out?” “Well, we’ve had a lot of training…” “Yeah…” “Worked on team discipline…” “Hmmmm…” “Had our first game last month…” “And?” “And our second one last week…” “And?” “It’s fair to say…” “Go on…” “There were one or two teething problems…" “In layman’s terms?” “We got absolutely hammered.” “Oh dear.” “Yes.” “Time for a change of manager, then?” “Good grief, no!” “But isn’t it all about the winning?” “The dressing room says no.” “It does?” “Forenzič stays.” “I see…” “And the kitman…” “Meddlesome…” “Says we need to hold our nerve…” “There’s a surprise…” “Give these new ideas time to bed down…” “Right…” “Pull in tighter…” “Tighter?” “Stick to the middle of the middle of the pitch…” “The what?” “Get all eleven players in the centre circle…” “Where?” “In the centre circle…” “Including the goalkeeper?” “Indeed.” “That’s… unconventional.” “It’s the way forward.” “Are you quite sure about that, Tom?” “Absolutely.” “What about the crowd?” “I don’t follow…” “What do they think?" “Oh, there is no crowd.” “Really?” “No. Not any more.” “Wow.” “Welcome to the future!” “Which is?” “Forenzič, Meddlesome…” “Sheesh.” “And an empty stadium…” “Blimey.” “Exciting times, my friend. Truly exciting times!!”
