Continuing the conversation between Tim and Steve. Catch up on the first 14 installments via Steve’s author page.
“Enjoying the football, Tim?” “No, mate.” “But… it’s the Euros…” “Not interested.” “Why ever not?” “Marxism.” “I’m sorry?” “Marxism.” “Marxism means you can’t watch football?” “Yes.” “Really?” “Absolutely.” “Well, I’m shocked, Tim.” “Why?” “That old ‘opium of the masses’ shtick…” “Eh?” “It’s very 1970s…” “No…” “And if I’m honest…” “You misunderstand…” “I never even had you down as left of centre…” “Hold on…” “So this is something of a surprise.” “Steve…” “Still, fair play to you…” “Steve…” “Though I’m not sure Marx had anything against football per se…” “Steve…” “In fact, he and Engels were known to enjoy…” “You’ve got the wrong end of the stick…” “The odd kickabout on a weekend…” “What I’m trying to say is…” “Devilishly good at keepy-uppy, was Karl…” “STEVE!” “Yes?” “I’m not a Marxist. It’s them.” “Who?” “The players.” “What??” “The team.” “They’re Marxists?” “Yes.” “All of them, Tim?” “Yes.” “Because…?” “This taking the knee thing…” “Ah.” “See?” “If I’m honest, Tim…” “Yes?” “No.” “It’s plain as the nose on your face, Steve…” “It really isn’t.” “I can’t believe you don’t get this…” “If you mean the claim that eleven players…” “And the manager…” “Drawing attention to systemic injustice…” “And the staff…” “By kneeling for a few seconds before the game…” “That’s it…” “Is some kind of Marxist plot…” “Exactly!” “Then no, Tim. I don’t.” “But it’s an international conspiracy to undermine…” “Oh god…” “Our entire way of life.” “You’re getting all worked up about a threat that doesn’t exist, mate.” “It does.” “It really doesn’t.” “It starts with a knee, Steve…” “What starts?” “And ends with re-education camps.” “Have you been talking to Laurence Fox again, Tim?” “Might have.” “Oh dear.” “The man has some interesting opinions…” “And the full range of tin foil hats…” “Which lie outside the conventional mainstream…” “You can say that again…” “But which make a lot of sense…” “They really don’t, mate…” “So you know better?” “In my humble opinion, Tim…” “Here we go…” “This Marxism nonsense is just another front in culture wars…” “In what?” “Opened up deliberately by powerful people…” “You’ve lost me…” “To distract you from the pressing need for change.” “I have absolutely no idea what you’re on about, Steve.” “Really?” “No.” “Let me put it this way…” “If you must…” “You buy your Carling at Costcutter, right?” “Yes.” “Mrs Hodgson…” “The docker’s widow?” “Also buys her Carling at Costcutter.” “Are you saying she’s a Marxist?” “Not so far as I know, mate…” “Because it’s bad enough they’ve got our footballers…” “They really haven’t…” “But if they’ve got our pensioners too…” “You’re at the same place…” “Yes…” “Buying the same beer…” “Yes…” “You’ve even been there at the same time…” “We have…” “But no-one would ever…” “She snarled at me…” “Claim that you and a little old lady…” “Spat in my eye….” “With a hip replacement and a mean right hook…” “And stamped on my foot…” “Are the same person.” “Of course they wouldn’t…” “There you go.” “That’d just be ridiculous.” “Right. And claiming that kneeling before the game…” “Uh-huh…” “Is the same as Marxism…” “Right…” “Is just as ridiculous.” “Nope. You lost me.” “Really?” “You suddenly made no sense at all, Steve.” “Sorry you think so, Tim.” “And there’s nothing you can say…” “No?” “No. I’m going to show my disapproval…” “Uh-huh…” “In the only way I can…” “Which is?” “By booing.” “When they kneel?” “Precisely.” “So at kick-off…” “Yes?” “You’re going to sit here in your car and boo?” “Don’t be stupid, Steve.” “Sorry.” “I’m going to grab a warm can of Carling…” “OK…” “Stand by my flagpole…” “Yes…” “And boo as loudly as I can…” “Right…” “For as long as I can…” “I see…” “It’s the only sensible option.” “So if I’ve got this right…” “Go on…” “You’ll stand by the flag…” “Correct…” “To boo the players who are playing for the flag…” “Yes…” “To show your support for…?” “The flag, Steve.” “Are you sure you’ve thought this through, Tim?” “100%.” “Really?” “Absolutely.” “Wow.” “I’m sending a powerful message, Steve.” “If you say so.” “I do.” “Well, it’s been great chatting…” “Indeed, and I hope you’ve learned something…” “But I’ve got to dash.” “Where you going?” “I’m off to the George, mate…” “Really?” “Watch the match on the big screen…” “Oh.” “Drink…” “Oh.” “Cheer…” “Oh.” “Sing a rousing chorus of the Internationale…” “Very funny.” “And hope for the glorious revolution to be brought in…” “Right…” “By a thirty-foot volley into the top corner deep in extra time.” “Ho ho ho…” “Chi Minh.” “Eh?” “It’s an old joke, Tim.” “I don’t get it…” “I’ll explain later. But now…” “Now?” “Time and workers’ soviets wait for no man, Tim.” “You’re off to watch the match then…” “Yes, mate.” “Steve?” “Yeah.” “Text us the score, will you?” “Of course.” “Thanks.” “And Tim?” “Yes?” “There’ll be a cold one waiting…” “Hmmm…” “If you change your mind…” “That’s a very persuasive argument, Steve…” “Thought it might be…” “Give me a moment…” “To put something on over your boxers?” “Yes.” “Good move, Tim. They’ve standards down the George.”
