• Contact
  • About
  • Authors
DONATE
NEWSLETTER SIGN UP
  • Login
Yorkshire Bylines
  • Home
  • News
    • All
    • Brexit
    • Education
    • Environment
    • Health
    • Home Affairs
    • Transport
    • World
    Emmanuel Macron

    French parliamentary elections 2022: shockwaves across the Channel

    Rail strikes

    Millions affected by biggest rail strike action in 30 years

    cost of living march london

    Trade union movement marches to demand better

    European Union

    After the seismic shocks of Brexit and Covid, what next for the European Union?

    Eurovision 2022 stage - photo by Michael Doherty on Wikimedia Commons licensed by CC BY-SA 4.0

    What does Ukraine’s Eurovision win tell us about the politics of solidarity?

    Refugee Week

    Refugee week: a chance to celebrate refugees

    Yorkshire cows

    British farmers are being offered a lump sum payment to leave the industry – but at what cost to agriculture?

    Julian Assange

    Julian Assange’s extradition given the green light by the UK home secretary

    RSPB heritage event

    RSPB heritage event to tell the story of the Dearne Valley, from coal face to wild place

    Trending Tags

    • Johnson
    • Coronavirus
    • Labour
    • Starmer
    • NI Protocol
    • Brexit
    • Culture
    • Education
    • Environment
    • Home Affairs
    • Transport
    • World
  • Politics
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
    • All
    • Culture
    • Dance
    • Food
    • Music
    • Poetry
    • Recipes
    • Sport
    Nostell Priory, Wakefield

    Glastonbury? What’s Glastonbury? When the music world came to Wakefield

    Headingley Cricket Stadium

    A view from the Roses match: is everything ‘rosey’ in English cricket?

    Bettys' Fat Rascals

    Scallywags, scoundrels and rascals abound in Yorkshire (we do like our scones)

    'Woke' beliefs

    Woke and proud: Compassion must never be allowed to go out of fashion

    Eurovision 2022 stage - photo by Michael Doherty on Wikimedia Commons licensed by CC BY-SA 4.0

    What does Ukraine’s Eurovision win tell us about the politics of solidarity?

    Red Ladder

    Climbing the Red Ladder – bringing theatre to the community

    Kaiser Chiefs in Doncaster

    Kaiser Chiefs never miss a beat in Doncaster

    Bradford Council leader Councillor Susan Hinchcliffe, second from right, is joined by Keighley Creative representatives, from left, Georgina Webster, Jan Smithies and Gemma Hobbs.

    Bradford announced as City of Culture 2025

    Queen cakes fit for a Queen

    Queen Cakes fit for the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee

    • Food
    • Music
    • Poetry
    • Sport
  • Business
    • All
    • Economy
    • Technology
    • Trade
    Freya Osment from Northern Gas Networks

    International Women in Engineering Day 2022

    Rail strikes

    Millions affected by biggest rail strike action in 30 years

    conservative party

    The Conservative Party: fiscally irresponsible and ideologically incapable of addressing the current crises

    Yorkshire cows

    British farmers are being offered a lump sum payment to leave the industry – but at what cost to agriculture?

    cost-of-living-crisis-in-voluntary-sector

    Cost-of-living crisis looming for the voluntary sector

    Money on the floor - £20 notes

    The huge cost of Brexit is being seriously understated

    Financial problems

    Surge in bad debt and late payments indicate mounting business distress in Yorkshire

    An evening photo tour of Drax power station near Selby, North Yorkshire, with excellent light towards sunset.

    Winter blackouts and rationing for six million homes as government plans for disruption to energy supply

    Jar with money cascading out of it

    Boosterism doesn’t put food on the table

    Trending Tags

      • Economy
      • Technology
      • Trade
    • Region
    No Result
    View All Result
    • Home
    • News
      • All
      • Brexit
      • Education
      • Environment
      • Health
      • Home Affairs
      • Transport
      • World
      Emmanuel Macron

      French parliamentary elections 2022: shockwaves across the Channel

      Rail strikes

      Millions affected by biggest rail strike action in 30 years

      cost of living march london

      Trade union movement marches to demand better

      European Union

      After the seismic shocks of Brexit and Covid, what next for the European Union?

      Eurovision 2022 stage - photo by Michael Doherty on Wikimedia Commons licensed by CC BY-SA 4.0

      What does Ukraine’s Eurovision win tell us about the politics of solidarity?

      Refugee Week

      Refugee week: a chance to celebrate refugees

      Yorkshire cows

      British farmers are being offered a lump sum payment to leave the industry – but at what cost to agriculture?

      Julian Assange

      Julian Assange’s extradition given the green light by the UK home secretary

      RSPB heritage event

      RSPB heritage event to tell the story of the Dearne Valley, from coal face to wild place

      Trending Tags

      • Johnson
      • Coronavirus
      • Labour
      • Starmer
      • NI Protocol
      • Brexit
      • Culture
      • Education
      • Environment
      • Home Affairs
      • Transport
      • World
    • Politics
    • Opinion
    • Lifestyle
      • All
      • Culture
      • Dance
      • Food
      • Music
      • Poetry
      • Recipes
      • Sport
      Nostell Priory, Wakefield

      Glastonbury? What’s Glastonbury? When the music world came to Wakefield

      Headingley Cricket Stadium

      A view from the Roses match: is everything ‘rosey’ in English cricket?

      Bettys' Fat Rascals

      Scallywags, scoundrels and rascals abound in Yorkshire (we do like our scones)

      'Woke' beliefs

      Woke and proud: Compassion must never be allowed to go out of fashion

      Eurovision 2022 stage - photo by Michael Doherty on Wikimedia Commons licensed by CC BY-SA 4.0

      What does Ukraine’s Eurovision win tell us about the politics of solidarity?

      Red Ladder

      Climbing the Red Ladder – bringing theatre to the community

      Kaiser Chiefs in Doncaster

      Kaiser Chiefs never miss a beat in Doncaster

      Bradford Council leader Councillor Susan Hinchcliffe, second from right, is joined by Keighley Creative representatives, from left, Georgina Webster, Jan Smithies and Gemma Hobbs.

      Bradford announced as City of Culture 2025

      Queen cakes fit for a Queen

      Queen Cakes fit for the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee

      • Food
      • Music
      • Poetry
      • Sport
    • Business
      • All
      • Economy
      • Technology
      • Trade
      Freya Osment from Northern Gas Networks

      International Women in Engineering Day 2022

      Rail strikes

      Millions affected by biggest rail strike action in 30 years

      conservative party

      The Conservative Party: fiscally irresponsible and ideologically incapable of addressing the current crises

      Yorkshire cows

      British farmers are being offered a lump sum payment to leave the industry – but at what cost to agriculture?

      cost-of-living-crisis-in-voluntary-sector

      Cost-of-living crisis looming for the voluntary sector

      Money on the floor - £20 notes

      The huge cost of Brexit is being seriously understated

      Financial problems

      Surge in bad debt and late payments indicate mounting business distress in Yorkshire

      An evening photo tour of Drax power station near Selby, North Yorkshire, with excellent light towards sunset.

      Winter blackouts and rationing for six million homes as government plans for disruption to energy supply

      Jar with money cascading out of it

      Boosterism doesn’t put food on the table

      Trending Tags

        • Economy
        • Technology
        • Trade
      • Region
      No Result
      View All Result
      Yorkshire Bylines
      No Result
      View All Result
      Home Opinion

      Imperial measures are our birthright

      Continuing the conversation between Tim and Steve, as they chat about imperial measures, flag poles and metric tyranny

      Steve PottingerbySteve Pottinger
      22-09-2021 11:57
      in Opinion, Politics
      “Imperial Measure” by tudedude is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

      “Imperial Measure” by tudedude is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

      971
      VIEWS
      Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
      ADVERTISEMENT

      Continuing the conversation between Tim and Steve. Catch up on the first 17 installments via Steve’s author page.

      “Tim….”

      “Yes, Steve?”

      “Is it just me…”

      “Probably, mate…”

      “Or are your flagpoles…”

      “Getting bigger? Yes.”

      “I thought so…”

      “Well spotted.”

      “I mean, they were big before…”

      “Not really…”

      “But now they must each be…”

      “You can never have…”

      “Let’s say…”

      “A big enough flagpole, Steve.”

      “Twenty metres high?”

      “No.”

      “No?”

      “Two chains.”

      “Where?”

      “You’re looking at them…”

      “I’m seeing four flagpoles, Tim…”

      “You misunderstand…”

      “Unless I’m missing something…”

      “Two chains…”

      “So you said…”

      “Forty-four yards tall….”

      “Oh…”

      “Wonderful, aren’t they?”

      “You’ve gone…”

      “Yes?”

      “Right down…”

      “Flagpoles go up, Steve…”

      “The rabbit hole…”

      “Burrow.”

      “Sorry?”

      “Rabbits.”

      “Er…”

      “Live in burrows.”

      “I know…”

      “Not great builders of flagpoles, rabbits.”

      “OK…”

      “Thought you’d have known that.”

      “What I mean is…”

      “Anyway, Spaffa says they’re great…”

      “I’m sure he does…”

      “Says I’m reclaiming…”

      “There’s a surprise…”

      “The imperial measurements…”

      “Go on…”

      “Which are our birthright, Steve.”

      “Oh boy.”

      “They’re simple, instinctive…”

      “Really?”

      “Easy to understand…”

      “Have you perchance been drinking, Tim?”

      “Absolutely.”

      “Thought so…”

      “Warm Carling…”

      “Delicious…”

      “By the quart…”

      “Good grief…”

      “Only the best, Steve…”

      “Right…”

      “Only the best…”

      “Hmmmm…”

      “Three quarts down…”

      “Impressive…”

      “And tasting better by the minute…”

      “If you say so…”

      “Anyway, take that flagpole…”

      “Must we?”

      “Two chains…”

      “Right…”

      “One fifth of a furlong…”

      “OK…”

      “One fortieth of a mile…”

      “Uh-huh…”

      “Or…”

      “I’m all ears…”

      “One hundred and thirty-two feet…”

      “Gosh…”

      “Three hundred and ninety-six hands…”

      “Obviously…”

      “Fifteen hundred and eighty-four inches…”

      “Trips off the tongue…”

      “Or a shedload of barleycorn.”

      “If you say so.”

      “Easy as you like, see?”
      “My head’s spinning, mate.”

      “Imperial is the future, Steve…”

      “It really isn’t, Tim.”

      “An invaluable addition to our new sunlit uplands…”

      “You think?”

      “Sunlight by the bushel here, Steve.”

      “Hmmm…”

      “Uplands stretching out for mile…”

      “Right…”

      “After mile…”

      “I see…”

      “After mile…”

      “And the empty shelves?”
      “I’m sorry?”

      “What do they come in, Tim?”

      “There are no…”

      “Perches?”

      “Empty…”

      “Roods?”

      “Shelves…”

      “Acres?”

      “Empty shelves are fake news, Steve.”

      “Fake news?”

      “Yes, mate.”

      “You sure, Tim?”

      “I am.”

      “Really?”

      “Look, here’s a photo of a full shelf…”

      “I see…”

      “I took only yesterday…”

      “On your phone…”

      “On my phone, mate.”

      “That shelf, Tim…”

      “Yes?”

      “Packed with Spanish goods…”

      “Um…”

      “With prices written in Spanish…”

      “Er…”

      “You sure that’s not a photo of a Spanish supermarket…”

      “No…”

      “You just found on the internet?”

      “That’s not really the point, Steve.”

      “Oh, I think you’ll find it is.”

      “It isn’t.”

      “It really is.”

      “The point is, Steve…”

      “Uh-huh?”

      “That you might be happy…”

      “Generally, yes.”

      “To live under metric tyranny…”

      “You what?”

      “But some of us have woken up…”

      “You’re kidding me…”

      “Cast the scales from our eyes…”

      “Metric scales, Tim?”

      “Thrown off this yoke of oppression…”

      “Oppression?”

      “Yes.”

      “It’s a dead cat, Tim.”

      “Come again?”

      “A dead cat.”

      “Oppression is a dead cat?”

      “Thrown in to distract you…”

      “Is this one of those box things, mate?”

      “From the very real supply problems…”

      “Where the cat is dead if I look…”

      “Caused by Spaffa’s failure to plan…”

      “And not dead if I don’t?”

      “Which are raising prices…”

      “So that it’s simultaneously both dead…”

      “Leaving vegetables…”

      “And alive…”

      “Rotting in the field…”

      “Which melts my head, to be honest…”

      “And leading to shortages…”

      “Shortfinger’s cat, wasn’t it…?”

      “Of foodstuffs….”

      “Bet it turned up…”

      “And empty shelves…”

      “When it wanted feeding…”

      “With every prospect…”

      “Like cats do…”

      “Of it getting worse.”

      “What are you on about, Steve?”

      “Instead of real and necessary change…”

      “Eh?”

      “Spaffa feeds you this imperial nonsense…”

      “He doesn’t…”

      “And there you are…”

      “Where?”

      “Stuck in a car on bricks…”

      “I’ve told you…”

      “Going nowhere…”

      “It’s a work in progress…”

      “Surrounded by flagpoles…”

      “Impressive, though, aren’t they?”

      “What?”

      “The flagpoles.”

      “Er, I guess…”

      “Visible from space, I reckon…”

      “Wonderful, I’m sure.”

      “Imagine, aliens seeing my flagpoles…”

      “Bet they measure them in metres, Tim.”

      “Get stuffed.”

      “Advanced civilisation, see.”

      “Shut it!”

      “And they don’t drink…”

      “You’re so full of…”

      “Room temperature Carling, either…”

      “So you won’t want one, then?”

      “Well, if you’re offering…”

      “Cheers.”

      “Cheers.”

      “Here, it says 500ml on this can, Tim.”

      “Old stock, Steve.”

      “Pre Spaffa?”

      “Fell off the back of an alien lorry.”

      “Did it now?”

      “Mum’s the word…”

      “I’ll say nothing…”

      “Good man…”

      “If you won’t…”

      “The truth is out there, mate.”

      “It probably is, Tim. It probably is.”

      Tags: Johnson
      ADVERTISEMENT
      Previous Post

      Universal basic income: everyone should get it first

      Next Post

      Fishermen in Brexit protest flotilla

      Steve Pottinger

      Steve Pottinger

      Steve is a poet, author, and a founding member of Wolverhampton arts collective Poets, Prattlers, and Pandemonialists. His work has appeared in magazines and anthologies, and he’s a regular contributor to online poetry platforms. Earlier this year, his poem ‘Fatima’, written in response to *that* government advert, went viral. You can discover more of his work via his website https://stevepottinger.co.uk or follow him on Twitter @BigStevePoet

      Related Posts

      Conservative Party Meeting
      Politics

      Hypocrisy, desperation and excuses: Conservative Party clutch at straws over by-election losses

      bySue Wilson MBE
      27 June 2022
      10/05/2022 Prime Minister Boris Johnson at the House of Commons. Picture by Andrew Parsons / No 10 Downing Street
      Politics

      The country needs more than just ‘Booting Boris out of Downing Street’

      byDr Stella Perrott
      26 June 2022
      Emmanuel Macron
      Politics

      French parliamentary elections 2022: shockwaves across the Channel

      byAnn Moody
      25 June 2022
      March for women
      Politics

      Women of Wakefield: people power only works if the people use that power

      byProfessor Juliet Lodge
      24 June 2022
      your vote matters wakefield by-election
      Politics

      Spotlight on some of the smaller parties in the Wakefield by-election

      byWill Barber Taylor
      22 June 2022
      Next Post
      A flotilla of fishing boats, accompanied by Greenpeace activists, is sails up the Thames to the Houses of Parliament.
The fishermen and Greenpeace are sending a message to the government that without urgent action to stop industrial fishing, fishing communities and marine ecosystems will suffer irreparable harm.

      Fishermen in Brexit protest flotilla

      Want to support us?

      Can you help Yorkshire Bylines to grow and become more sustainable with a regular donation, no matter how small?  

      DONATE

      Sign up to our newsletter

      If you would like to receive the Yorkshire Bylines regular newsletter, straight talking direct to your inbox, click the button below.

      NEWSLETTER

      LATEST

      Conservative Party Meeting

      Hypocrisy, desperation and excuses: Conservative Party clutch at straws over by-election losses

      27 June 2022
      Nostell Priory, Wakefield

      Glastonbury? What’s Glastonbury? When the music world came to Wakefield

      26 June 2022
      10/05/2022 Prime Minister Boris Johnson at the House of Commons. Picture by Andrew Parsons / No 10 Downing Street

      The country needs more than just ‘Booting Boris out of Downing Street’

      26 June 2022
      Emmanuel Macron

      French parliamentary elections 2022: shockwaves across the Channel

      25 June 2022

      MOST READ

      10/05/2022 Prime Minister Boris Johnson at the House of Commons. Picture by Andrew Parsons / No 10 Downing Street

      The country needs more than just ‘Booting Boris out of Downing Street’

      26 June 2022
      Conservative Party Meeting

      Hypocrisy, desperation and excuses: Conservative Party clutch at straws over by-election losses

      27 June 2022
      Nostell Priory, Wakefield

      Glastonbury? What’s Glastonbury? When the music world came to Wakefield

      26 June 2022
      Photo credit Robert Sharp / englishpenLicensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.

      The Davis Downside Dossier

      1 January 2021

      BROWSE BY TAGS

      antivaxxers Charity climate change Coronavirus Cost of living Creative industries Crime Cummings Democracy Devolution education Equality Farming Fishing hgv History Immigration Johnson Journalism Labour Local Democracy Mental Health mining money NHS NI Protocol omicron Pies pollution poverty PPE Public Health Review shortage social media Starmer tax travel Ukraine Yorkshire
      Yorkshire Bylines

      Yorkshire Bylines is a regional online newspaper that supports citizen journalism. Our aim is to publish well-written, fact-based articles and opinion pieces on subjects that are of interest to people in Yorkshire and beyond.

      Learn more about us

      No Result
      View All Result
      • Contact
      • About
      • Letters
      • Donate
      • Privacy
      • Bylines network
      • Shop

      © 2022 Yorkshire Bylines. Citizen Journalism | Local & Internationalist

      No Result
      View All Result
      • Home
      • News
        • Brexit
        • Education
        • Environment
        • Health
        • Home Affairs
        • Transport
        • World
      • Politics
      • Opinion
      • Lifestyle
        • Culture
        • Dance
        • Food
        • Music
        • Poetry
        • Recipes
        • Sport
      • Business
        • Economy
        • Technology
        • Trade
      • Donate
      • The Compendium of Cabinet Codebreakers
      • The Davis Downside Dossier
      • The Digby Jones Index
      • Newsletter sign up
      • Cartoons by Stan
      • Authors

      © 2022 Yorkshire Bylines. Citizen Journalism | Local & Internationalist

      Welcome Back!

      Login to your account below

      Forgotten Password?

      Retrieve your password

      Please enter your username or email address to reset your password.

      Log In