There still a persistent myth in our society that sexual abuse and violence cause short term trauma, after which people can pick themselves up and get on with their lives. In fact, an experience like this can be life-changing. All sorts of different factors influence the way that trauma develops. Some people can cope well with one incident but find themselves really struggling after another. Sometimes reactions are delayed. When abuse has taken place in childhood or in a context that’s difficult to escape, like the workplace, it can be hard to face the reality of it until that context has changed.
There is no right or wrong way to respond to situations like this, but it helps to know that you’re not alone. There are practical ways to manage trauma and there are expert services available to support those who reach out for help.
Common symptoms of lasting trauma
In popular entertainment, survivors are often presented as being afraid of men or sexual intimacy. In reality, this is true for some people but not others, and the symptoms of lingering trauma are not always that obvious.
Many people experience anxiety or depression. This doesn’t always develop straight away, but can suddenly appear years later, sometimes at times when life seems to be going well. The feelings it creates can make reaching out for help harder, but it’s worth doing so, because in most cases it can be treated fairly simply by a GP, and there’s no need to talk about the possible cause if that’s too difficult.
Nightmares are common, and may or may not be thematically related. Panic attacks can be associated with triggers – reminders of what happened – or can seem to come out of the blue. Some people don’t feel afraid when they happen, but just suddenly feel dizzy or find it hard to breathe. other people experience sudden nausea, feel shivery or unsteady, and start sweating a lot.
Trauma can have long term metabolic effects, resulting in difficulty sleeping, frequent headaches, stomach aches or tightness in the chest like heartburn. Because these can also be a sign of other health problems, it’s important to get them checked out.
Sometimes it’s hard for people to recognise their own symptoms because they don’t have an easy point of comparison. Other people, however, may perceive them as hyper-alert; nervous; emotionally distant; generally irritable; or prone to losing their temper suddenly for no obvious reason. Issues like this can cause problem in friendships and relationships, but with the right support, they can usually be resolved.
Deciding if, when and how to talk about it
There’s no single right way to deal with trauma like this. Every individual experiences it differently. Some people never tell anybody at all, but still find ways to cope better, over time, by tackling individual symptoms. Sometimes symptoms fade by themselves over time. Other people will always have some, even after treatment, but adjust so that they don’t get in the way of what’s important in life.
If talking is going to help, there will usually come a time when it feels as if the right moment has arrived. of course, some people find themselves forced into it when they’re not really ready, for instance because they are pressured by other people or they have to take part in legal proceedings. When this happens, it makes the process harder, and symptoms can feel overwhelming, but it’s still possible to get through it and feel a lot better on the other side.
Talking to a counsellor with experience in this area is the safest route. Support organisations can help with this. There are further options, however. Some people prefer to go to support groups where they can talk to other people who have had similar experiences. Others talk to their GPs in the first instance. Still others talk to close friends, romantic partners or family members.
Talking to a loved one first can be complicated, because that person will probably find it very upsetting, which can make it harder for them to provide the immediate support needed. It can make the situation unpredictable. One way to deal with this is to write a letter first and ask the other person to read it before having a conversation, thereby giving them a bit of emotional space.
Sometimes that first conversation happens spontaneously, and everything just pours out. Other people prefer to plan it out and state the facts very plainly before talking about feelings.
Finding the right kind of support
Once that first conversation has happened, many people feel lighter straight away, freed from the pressure of having to deal with it alone. Some people choose to leave it at that, or just tell other people gradually over time. This is sometimes enough to make problem symptoms go away. Other people, however, feel that they need ongoing support.
There are different types of medicines and talking therapies available that can help in this situation. There’s also the option of spending time with other people who have had similar experiences, whether or not that time is focused on talking about it. Some people find that it helps just to feel less alone, and to see first hand that it’s possible to build a good life on one’s own terms. This can take a long time, but it’s not a hopeless situation.
Specialist support organisations can identify the services available in different areas and help each individual to find a way forwards that’s likely to work for them.
Sources of help in Yorkshire
The Hazlehurst Centre focuses on West Yorkshire and is primarily a service for people who need immediate help after an assault, but its helpline is open to people regardless of when they were hurt or who they are, and it can also provide referrals to appropriate practical support.
IDAS supports people in Barnsley and North Yorkshire, regardless of gender. It offers specialist support for children under 13, and it’s safe to use for people who don’t have secure immigration status or are involved in sex work. It provides one-to-one practical and emotional support and also runs support groups. It can also help with navigating the justice system.
RASAC operates across Kirklees, Calderdale and Wakefield, and is open to everyone. It runs a helpline, offers therapeutic support and helps with practical matters. It also has a selection of useful self-help guides available to download for free.
Sheffield Rape and Sexual Abuse Centre offers support to anyone in need in the city, with specialist services for children, as well as help for people who are struggling because of something that has happened to a loved one. It provides counselling and practical support, and also gives small crocheted comfort animals to those who find them helpful.
Survive is there to help any adult in York or North Yorkshire with the process of recovery. It runs a helpline and offers counselling, trauma therapy and EMDR therapy, as well as loaning out helpful books.
Nationwide support services
Sarsas supports survivors of sexual abuse and violence of all kinds, regardless of how long ago it happened and regardless of their gender. It offers a helpline and a live chat service. It can also arrange specialist support for people who are neurodivergent or have learning difficulties.
The 24/7 Sexual Abuse Support Line provides long term support to people aged 16 or over. It’s available round the clock in 24 languages, and is a safe place to get help for migrants who don’t feel safe with other services because they don’t have leave to remain.
Victim Support can help with making the decision about whether or not to report an incident of sexual abuse, no matter how long ago it happened. Its specialist advisors can work out which charges might be possible and advise on what to expect, as well as providing support during the process.
