This is the third in a series of conversations between Tim and Steve. Catch up on the first two via Steve’s author page.
“Having fun with that tarp, Tim?” “Not really.” “Want a hand?” “If you wouldn’t mind…” “Sure.” “Just tie it on to the bumpers, mate.” “Gotcha.” “And I’ll pull it tight.” “Are you making a roof for the car here, Tim?” “Might be.” “I hate to ask…” “So don’t.” “But what happened to not needing one?” “Shut it.” “And having a cagoul.” “There’s been a certain element of re-evaluation, Steve.” “Oh.” “A man needs to adapt to changing circumstances.” “And those were?” “Rain, Steve. And a forecast of snow.” “Which explains the doors?” “Yep.” “Plywood, are they?” “Absolutely.” “Bespoke and hand-crafted?” “Don’t take the piss, Steve.” “Sorry, mate. Couldn’t help myself.” “They’re a bit rough and ready…” “Mmmmm.” “So I’ve nailed the one shut.” “I see.” “For warmth.” “Warmth?” “It’s stopped most of the draughts…” “OK.” “And I wrap up as warm as I can.” “Tim, it’s winter. Why are you out here at all?” “I’ve left, mate.” “Left?” “The house. Cassandra. Everything.” “Why d’you do that, Tim?” “I was paying through the nose, mate.” “Really?” “There was money for the mortgage…” “Right.” “The bills…” “Yeah.” “Broadband, TV…” “That’s fairly standard stuff, Tim.” “Mate, I was paying out far more than I was getting back.” “I’m not sure that’s right…” “Gospel, Steve.” “So?” “So, what?” “So what now?” “How d’you mean?” “Where you living now?” “Here, Steve.” “Here?” “Yep.” “In this… car?” “Yep.” “Jesus, Tim.” “It needs a bit of work I grant you…” “A bit??!!” “But it’ll be right as rain.” “Not sure that’s quite the phrase right now, Tim.” “It’s a new start, Steve.” “If you say so.” “I’m feeling very positive about this.” “Tim, I don’t quite know how to put it…” “What?” “I know you’ve been talking about leaving for years now…” “That’s right, mate.” “But are you sure this is a step forward?” “A man can only be pushed so far, Steve.” “I mean, it’s a car with no doors, Tim.” “It’s offered me an opportunity to downsize, yes.” “It looks cramped.” “Snug.” “And cold.” “Insulation is currently a work in progress, true.” “And it’s parked on your drive.” “For now, Steve.” “On bricks, Tim.” “Bricks and wheels, Steve.” “Uh-huh.” “The best of both worlds.” “The best?” “Yes.” “There don’t seem to be many facilities here, Tim.” “Fair point, Steve.” “So?” “As I said to Cassandra, I’ll pop back in to use the loo…” “Right.” “And when I need my breakfast…” “I see.” “Or to watch the footie on the wide screen.” “While paying nothing toward the mortgage…” “Yep.” “Or the bills…” “Exactly.” “And Cassandra’s ok with this, Tim?” “Well…” “I mean, has she agreed?” “Not in so many words, Steve.” “What did she say?” “I’m not sure it bears repeating, to be honest.” “Hmmm…” “I don’t know where she learned such language.” “Oh.” “Even the dog blushed.” “Cassandra’s a resourceful and resilient woman, Tim.” “Terrifying.” “With a considerable hinterland.” “Terrifying.” “Not to mention a way with words.” “Terrifying. And on reflection, asking her while she was ironing…” “Not your best move?” “No, Steve.” “It is quite a bruise, Tim.” “Yeah.” “And you’re a little more singed than you used to be.” “I never knew a flat iron could move so fast, mate…” “Life’s full of surprises, Tim.” “You’re not kidding, Steve.” “Want to borrow a beanie?” “Could I?” “Of course.” “Just till the hair grows back, like.” “No problem.” “Thanks.” “So, your proposal about breakfast, toilet, footie, etc…” “Yeah?” “What happened?” “We came to a mutual understanding.” “Uh-huh?” “An understanding that all things considered…” “OK…” “It would be best if I do all those things elsewhere.” “Oh dear.” “Doors were mentioned, Steve.” “I see.” “And the never darkening of them.” “Ouch.” “So I’m now enjoying a period of adjustment…” “That right?” “Which may be a little more bumpy than I’d originally intended.” “Bumpy.” “Yeah.” “Sorry to hear that, Tim.” “Sunlit uplands, though, Steve.” “Really?” “Yeah. Sunlit uplands.” “Oh, Tim…” “They’re on their way, mate.” “Well, while you’re waiting for them…” “Yeah?” “How about I bring you a torch?” “Please, mate.” “And a couple of blankets?” “I wouldn’t say no.” “Back in a bit, Tim.” “Steve?” “Yeah?” “Happy New Year, mate.” “Happy New Year, Tim.” “It’s going to be a good one, Steve.” “Really, Tim?” “Yes, mate. Sunlit uplands coming.” “If you say so.” “Just you wait and see, Steve. I can feel it in my bones.”
