Author: Alistair Cowan

Alistair Cowan is the pen name of the satirist, plagiarist and man Alistair Cowan. He has worked in mental health for 30 years - principally his own - and has the largest collection of 19th century scrimshaw in Ayrshire. He has one piece of scrimshaw but hopes to add to it if he can source a narwhal. A keen supporter or Kilmarnock FC he is often glad to correct peoples misapprehension that their proper name is Kilmarnock Nil. He is keen to live on through his work or, ideally, not dying.

What ho ho ho! Festive chums!

Alistair Cowan

But now old Father Christmas approaches, smiling and ruddy – no he doesn’t have a temperature, and his indiscriminate appetite for milk, whisky, shortbread and chocolate is not indicative of a loss of taste – and it’s time for us to let loose, relax and have a jolly old jamboree. Much like pater allowed us when the nanny stopped weeping.

Cowan’s plague journal: the real Cummings statement

Alistair Cowan

Sorry I’m late. First of all, I’d like to refute some of the blatantly untrue stories circulating about me on social media. Particularly those published on Twitter by supportive cabinet ministers. I’d like to address the recent allegations now. I was informed that the prime minister and several other No 10 colleagues had displayed symptoms […]

Cowan’s plague journal

Alistair Cowan

So recently I learned from “Everything I Do I Do it for You” hit-maker Bryan Adams that coronavirus was definitely caused by Chinese wet markets. Lockdown hasn’t even lasted as long as that song was No 1, and I know which seemed to last longer. Bryan Adams has an interesting face in that, much like […]